Just thoughts
I'm in a lot of pain. Constantly. Every moment of the day, there's this grip around my insides that refuses to relent. I can't sit still anymore. I find myself, for the first time in my life, needing to do something, anything, to distract from it. It used to be that I would rest in order to recover, but I feel like, if I rest, I'll lose what little control I have left. When I'm at work, I sit and mindlessly repeat conversation after conversation for hours. That's fine, at first. I do some flashcards between calls, or perhaps workout a little. I'm busy, I'm fine. By the middle of my shifts, I feel myself slipping. Suddenly, I can't avoid the thoughts anymore. I think about him or the future... It's just a thought or two. But by the third quarter, a quiet panic starts. At the end of the day, it's all I can do just to get out of the building as fast as possible and rush home to cook and dance around the house and clean everything, until I...